Saturday, November 03, 2007

Introspective and Deep. (A rarity for me?!)

I'm back again. I have been such a slacker-blogger. Oh well. I'm not quite so sure about the vast readership this blog has anyway, so I doubt anyone is pining for my words. But today I've decided to put down a few, anyway.

Work lately has been making my head hurt. Not bad, just... confusing. Mind-boggling. Too many loose ends to tie up that apparently haven't really been thought about before. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

One of the advantages of living by yourself is that you can wear sweats as late as you want on a Saturday. Especially when you've been headachy and not feeling so good. And you can lay around and read strange books and listen to odd music and look at random places on the internet for as long as you please. No one cares, and the dog sleeps all day anyway. Although I did do some cleaning and a little laundry, but there really is a lot more to be done. Some days you really just need to take a break from hecticness. Today seems to be one of those days. Although one thing that has managed to be accomplished (not really because of me, other than my wondrous ability to open the door when there is knocking on the other side) is that I now have a handle on my refrigerator door. That should make life a little easier :) Although still no garage door opener or storm door. BUT, the doorway was measured, so that should happen soon. YAY! I wonder what my landlord's husband thought about the random Lena and Sinatra and Ella and Judy and Rosemary and such emanating from my television.... And really, sir, Ale8 is ginger ale, not beer! I promise. Really, I do.

Last week I went home. For pretty much an entire week. I soooooooo needed that... It was good to be home, to see people, and places, and be in a church (two!) that loves me and knows me. It was a little weird, though, once I was driving back home and thinking about it... I managed to spend time at each of the 3 places that I feel were different stages of my life. I was able to go home, really home for awhile... and be a part of the place that made me who I am for a few short hours on Sunday (I don't count Monday, because I don't feel that the hours before 7am are really a part of time I consider reality). So I consider that to be the first stage of my life... the place (and people, apart from my parents) who helped shape my thoughts and ideas and worldviews. Even if I don't always agree with everything that stage of my life consisted of, I can readily recognize its vast impact on my life. I will always call it home in some place of my heart. I also spent quite a bit of time at Asbury, seeing people and places and going to chapel and such. I feel like Asbury was the place that really prepared me to face the world. It was there I began to learn about what would be my vocation in life, and learned to think on deeper and higher levels, and I started to come out of myself. There are more people I wish I had had the chance to see (specifically Dr. Gray, and Prof. Fellows! I miss them...), but it was still good to be back for a minute. And then, my dear Lexington, the third stage in my life... Where I began my career, where I made mistakes and did good things and probably some not-so-good things, where I learned what it really means to make decisions and to live and to take care of myself and to be more independent and to pay bills and to buy my own toilet paper and to plan and to enjoy my friends and to deal with poopy car people and to cook my own dinner each and every night and to find my niche in life and in my church and at work and in the world... It was in Lexington I learned what it means to be an adult - both the good parts and the not-so-good parts and the annoying parts. It was a critical part in the development of who I am. I love Lexington - it's a great town.

One of the hardest things about moving at the time in my life when I did was that I felt like I finally had my life where I wanted it for the time being - I had a good job and a great church and family and friends nearby, and I finally felt settled and that Lexington was home. I had found my place in that part of my life, and I was enjoying it thoroughly. Life wasn't always easy, and I had more things to learn and to do, but it was good. Now I feel like I'm starting all over again, and it can be frustrating some days. But one revelation I had on my very long drive back to cold north was that a few years ago, I felt the same way about Lexington. Things take time. I will admit that I think it was harder to get in my car and drive away this time than it was when I actually moved. I haven't figured out my life here yet - what it should look like, where I'll be spending my time (outside of my sometimes-crazy work hours)... It wasn't hard to leave to come back to my new home because here is bad; on the contrary, for the most part I've greatly enjoyed living where I live. It's just that there was so good. But I also know that here could be just as good... it just needs time and adjustment. I know, I know, that this is where I'm supposed to be. That was settled; I don't question that in my head. My heart, on the other hand, sometimes takes a little more convincing. But I'm getting there :) I'm also learning that having a whole house to myself takes a bit more to keep up, even than my former duplex of roughly the same size. But I'm getting there, too :) If I could just finish unpacking, it would be much easier :) *sigh*... it's like the boxes never end.... Oh well. I'm getting there. One day, one box at a time. This new stage is just beginning; who knows where it will lead or what I will learn?!

Okay, so the poochie wants to go outside for a bit. This has been a much longer post than I expected. And I've bared my feelings a little more than I was planning as well. But that's a good thing? I hope. Maybe next time I'll get to tell about my infamous and crazy trip to the driver's license place. Grrrr. Some things about this state annoy me.

Okay Chico, I'm coming.

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